“Just Like the Autumn Flowers”

For the past few months, I’ve been keen on decorating my room with fresh flowers. They just add more vibrance and life in my room making me feel relaxed whenever I lay my eyes on them. A few days ago, I made a mental note to pick the flowers from our backyard which my mom has planted during the early Summer before they start to wither since the temperature is getting colder and colder each day making it impossible for almost every plant outdoors to survive.

Eventually, I of course completely forgot to do it until last Saturday morning when I suddenly woke up from my Mom’s loud sob. And the realization hits me so fast… she’s gone! She’s gone! My grandmother has gone home to heaven. For the past few days we’ve been in constant contact with our relatives back in the Philippines about my grandmother’s health. She’s been weak they said but at the same time she’s been refusing to go to the hospital. My relatives back home respected her decision but we insisted for them to bring her to the hospital especially that my parents are just a few days away from their planned visit to the Philippines. Just a few days..

My Mom constantly made phone calls to ask my grandmother’s current situation and luckily, my siblings and I got the chance of talking to my grandmother. We urged her to go see a doctor. Initially she resisted, telling us that she’s old and maybe it’s her time to go. We showed the same resistance she showed us earlier and did our best to encourage her to go to the hospital. Finally she agreed and so we all went to bed that night feeling confident that she’s going to be well.

The next day when I got home from work, I asked my Mom about the Doctor’s findings yet again she said that my grandmother adamantly refused to go to the hospital.

Through our “Group Chat” in Messenger, me, my Mom, my siblings and cousins constantly discussed the proper action to do. Obviously, we became divided. Some are saying to accept my Grandmother’s decision and some are saying to rush her to the hospital. Finally, my loving Grandmother gave in and agreed to see the Doctor but eventually insisted that she wanted to go home and we of course couldn’t do anything but hope that she will be okay. It was the very same day of my younger sister’s highschool graduation yet we can’t fully celebrate because of this difficult situation. It was as if we’re in a sad and happy state all at the same time.

My Mom is obviously always on the phone talking to my Grandmother begging her to wait for her for a few more days. My grandmother strongly said yes and insisted that she will be waiting. My mom broke down and said that she feels like that would be the last time she would talk to her. But my siblings and I were positive that she’s okay and we tried to insinuate that to my Mom yet I know deep in her heart she’s scared and maybe all of us were.

The next morning, I heard my mom sobbing and in an instant, tears started to roll down on my cheeks. I remembered how nice, loving and gentle my grandmother was. She’s very understanding, forgiving and hoped nothing but happiness and success to all of her grandchildren. She can be emotional too especially whenever we have to say goodbye to them because we have to return to our second home- Canada yet she would always remind us to be well, to take care of ourselves, to rest and not overwork ourselves, to always be happy and of course she would always tell us to visit her again as soon as we can. Now, I can still vividly see her smiling face saying all of these words to me, to us and it still gives me the same effect… it makes me cry, it breaks my heart, it makes me sad. But this time it’s a more intense kind of pain because I know I will not see her again, hear her loving voice or even embrace her ever again.

I remember her constantly telling me to settle down everytime I visit her back home. To find a good man whom I can start a family with because she wants to see her great-grandchildren from me. I remember telling her one time that I’m still young to get married and she should be the one to get married first. She laughed and told me that she’s already married to my Grandfather who have passed away years ago. They’ve been married for so many years and it’s apparent that even death didn’t break their promise to love each other eternally. I guess they truly deserve it because they’re both really great and good people. They’re both very loving to their family which they instilled to all of us. I’m happy to know that they are finally together…again.

I stepped out of the house for moment in spite of the cold Autumn breeze. I wanted to breathe some fresh air because I honestly didn’t expect her to leave just like that. I was staring blankly into the air before I finally fixed my eyes to the very same flowers I was intending to pick a few days ago. They’ve withered. The harsh Autumn coldness has finally ended their reign. Then it hit me!

Isn’t it we would soon be just like the Autumn Flowers?

Dry.

and

Lifeless.

Because the sad reality is we will all leave this world one day. Our friends. Our family. Everyone!

It’s inevitable.

But the big question is,

Will our reign in this planet be full of beautiful memories and experiences?

Would it be full of love?

Happiness?

Success?

Laughter?

or

Regrets?

Sadness?

Anger?

It’s our choice isn’t it?

The funny thing is, whenever I loss someone close to me. They always remind me how short life is. How we don’t and can’t control our life. How we can’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day. That life is full of uncertainty.

At the same time, they made me appreciate time. Every single bit of it. They remind me to chase my dreams, to go for what I want, to forgive, to live, to love myself, my friends, my family and every single thing about my imperfect life because maybe that’s what life is all about- Love.

It’s always painful to lose a loved one yet it’s a part of life, it’s inevitable. In the end the most important thing is that we were able to show them how much we cared, appreciated and loved them. We may say goodbye to them for now but maybe we will see them again one day in heaven. May their teachings stay with us and makes us realize how precious life is and that we need to savor everything about life- both happy and sad.

May we learn to do what would make us truly happy while we still have the time.

May we spread love to every single soul we meet in this world.

May we continue living…

To my Grandmother, I love you and you will always be in my heart. Till we meet again..

Much love,