I used to be scared of losing you.
The thought of it used to make me shiver with so much loneliness.
I used to get scared of not having you around anymore. I thought you were irreplaceable.
And maybe that’s the reason why I stayed longer that I should have.
It wasn’t love. It was fear.!
And finally it happened.
You walked away like any coward would do.
No explanations for all the lies said.
Not even a word of apology for your infidelity.
No, not even a word of it.
Oh yes, I did cry for a few hours I guess.
I cried for all those wasted time and pity for myself but no longer out of love.
I was mad for being played so many times.
But you see, I was surprised.
For when you walked away “fear” and “loneliness” weren’t on my mind.
Instead I felt free… relieved pretty much.
I was happier and spent most days with a positive mind.
That shadow of fear that used to follow me disappeared.
When you walked away you gave me wings to pursue my dreams, those dreams I tried to forget trying to fit in your world.
When you walked away you made me see my worth, you made me realise that I am more than all the things you made me feel.
When you walked away you made me see my beauty, that out of all my flaws and imperfectness I am still beautiful for what I really am, I trashed all your standards and requirements of perfectness that used to kill my self-esteem.
When you walked away you made me appreciate everyone I have in my life. You’ve taught me to give importance to the one’s who really care.
When you walked away you made me love myself even more. You made me realise that I am not perfect but I do not deserve to be disrespected like the way you did to me.
When you walked away you made me realise that I could dream bigger and aim for a better future. You made me yearn for a better life and not settle for what I don’t deserve.
You see, I am thankful.
For when you walked away you made me a better me.
Arlene Kischaen Aboli