“Coffee Break: Going through Life Changes” 

Hello and welcome to our second edition of Coffee Break!

I am actually a month late of sharing this topic only because I was a bit hesitant in the beginning to share these details in my life. I thought talking about these changes that I went through these past few months could be really personal but then I realized that a few of my previous blog posts especially poems and essays are talking about my own personal experiences and so I just shrugged it off and thought my life has been somewhat an open book since I started blogging anyways so the hell with it and let’s just talk about it! However I have to warn you that this is rather a long post!

It all began a few months ago when I was finally initializing the changes that I so long for in my life. It includes a lot of big and rather scary decisions but I know I had to do it to come out of the situation that I was in all these years. After my miscarriage last year, I gained a tremendous strength that I never imagined existed within me. I mean, it was one of the most difficult phases in my life yet I was able to get through it. Prior to that event, I was also battling a few road blocks in my career and my personal relationships. At that time, I was on the verge of losing a relationship that I initially thought would last but eventually was willing to let go of. However, my pregnancy made me stay thinking that it’s the right thing to do. Whilst I was fighting for my pregnancy though, I learned about my then boyfriend’s infidelities and lies which made me more emotionally unstable that resulted for me to finally miscarry. Losing my child was the darkest and lowest point of my life and it made me feel this kind of pain that I never knew existed.

Moreover, I was also a point in my life where I was contemplating as to what career path to take. I was then a Supervisor in a BPO company here in Montreal but still was unhappy because it’s not the job that I really wanted. At the same time, I was scared to take the necessary steps to change my career path since I was scared that it might not work or I might fail.

It was at that time that I was beginning to give up on life. I couldn’t see the beauty of life anymore because my vision was clouded by pure darkness. I also started to hate God, to question Him and His plans. I started to hate life, the things that I have and don’t have.I was I just hated every single bit of life. This event also took me back to all my failed attempts of bettering myself and career. My broken dreams and plans. Every day became so empty. I was waking up every morning because I need to not because I want to. I just gave up.

Anger also started to consume me, I hated my ex for all the harm and pain he caused me. I hated the people that I called friends but turned their backs on me when I mostly needed strength and support. I hated myself for trusting the wrong people. I hated everyone!

But one day I woke up and realized that I don’t want to spend my life hating, being bitter or miserable. I suddenly started to feel the urge to live again, to start all over again and use these experiences to be a better person.

After a few months of planning, I then decided to quit my job. My colleagues urged me to changed my decision but I didn’t waver. I must admit that it was a scary decision, what if I won’t be able to find a job with the same position or what if I won’t be able to find a job at all? Yet I was so determined to implement the changes that I have been planning. I then decided to take some time off and go back home in the Philippines for a few months. Whilst there, I was encouraged by my family to take Medicine which I subtly refused since I was already thinking of enrolling in a dress making course. I kept this a secret in the beginning because I know they wouldn’t agree but fashion is what I really love and I finally decided to pursue it. I also decided to let go of a few people in my life, it wasn’t easy though since I trusted most of them but I realized that if they are not willing to stay with you through thick and thin it’s best to just let them go.

Since I was living by myself while in the Philippines, I had to teach myself to do some chores like cooking and going to the grocery store without getting lost. I learned that I am able to do things so long that I push myself and work hard for it. I realized that I can actually stand on my own and that I can fight for my dreams.

Throughout this journey, I learned that it’s our fear of failure and change that imprisons us to a world of sadness and misfortunes. I learned that without the courage of taking a step to change the things that we don’t like in our lives will put us to a more darker situation. I learned that wanting to change and actually doing something to make the changes are two different things. I learned that success is just waiting for us to start making the necessary changes in our lives.

I am now back in Montreal. Back to reality as I would always call it. Yet I feel like I’m in a completely new world. Looking back a year ago, I am thankful that I went through all of those experiences because it pushed me to finally do the necessary steps in order for me to start bettering myself. I am now able to embrace every changes that I will be facing with courage and a strong heart. I am also thankful that I was able to initiate all of these changes in my life if not, I might still be on the same boat that I was a year ago.

Through all those changes that I went through, I am happy to see positive results in my life so far which made me realized that I made the right decision. I am now starting my career in one of the fast growing Financial Institutions here in Montreal and I am loving the new challenges so far and is looking forward for a wider room to grow. I am also continuing to pursue my love of Fashion (I will share more details about it soon!) even though it’s an impossible reality to some. This is still not the end of this journey and I am sure that I will experience a few road blocks along the way but I am ready to face all of it! I know it won’t be easy yet at the same time I know I can succeed through it as long as I believe in myself and never give up.

As a final note, I wanted to share that not everything that we want and plan in life will come true. Maybe we have a better destination and we just have to accept it, if not we will be miserable all our life. Also, in order for us to start attaining our dreams, it’s important for us to make a few changes. Some may be difficult but the end result is always worth it. We have to leave our comfort zones in order for us to achieve greater opportunities. Allowing ourselves to settle on the things that we hate will someday consume our life and will make us live in pure disappointments and regrets. Change could be scary but sometimes it’s all that we need to find and make ourselves. So if you are not happy about something then you have to decide to make the changes and do it NOW!

Much love❤,

Arlene Kischaen Aboli